Labeling the problem in a way that makes it about who people are rather than the choices they’re making lets all of us off the hook.
I took a deep reath and recited my vulnerability prayer as I waited for my turn: Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen.
I literally whispered aloud, “What’s worth doing even if I fail?”
It’s life asking, “Are you all in? Can you value your own vulnerability as much as you value it in others?
When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable.
Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. when we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.
Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness y weighing the reaction of the people in the stands.
Yes. shame resilience is key to embracing our vulnerability. We can’t let ourselves be seen if we’re terrified by what people might think. Often ‘not being good at vulnerability’ means that we’re damn good at shame.
We all have shame. We all have good and bad, dark and light, inside of us. But if we don’t come to terms with our shame, our struggles, we start believing that there’s something wrong with us - that we’re bad, flawed, not good enough - and even worse, we start acting on those beliefs. If we want to be fully engaged, to be connected, we have to be vulnerable. In order to be vulnerable, we need to develop resilience to shame.
Sometimes shame is the result of us playing the old recordings that were programmed when we were children or simply absorbed from the culture.
shame resilience is the ability to say, “This hurts. This is disappointing, maybe even devastating. But success and recognition and approval are not the values that drive me. My value is courage and I was just courageous. You can move on, shame.”
Empathy is a strange and powerful thing. there is no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of “You’re not alone.”
What’s ironic is that research tells us that we judge people in areas where we’re vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we’re doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people’s choices.
We’re hard on each other because we’re using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived shaming deficiency.
Sometimes it’s so much easier to love Steve and the kids than it is to love myself. It’s so much easier to accept their quirks and eccentricities than it is to practice self-love around what U see as my deep flaws. But in practicing self-love over the past couple of years, I can say that it has immeasurably deepened my relationships with the people I love. It’s given me the courage to show up and be vulnerable in new ways, and that’s what love is all about.
Are we being our most vulnerable selves? Are we showing trust, kindness, affection, and respect to our partners? It’s not the lack of prefessing that gets us in trouble in our relationships; it’s failing to practice love that leads to hurt.
The expectations and messages that fuel shame keep us from fully realizing who we are as people.
Softening into the joyful moments of our lives requires vulnerability.
I’m feeling vulnerable and I’m so grateful for __”
Regardless of where we are on this continuum, if we want freedom from perfectionism, we have to make the long journey from “what will people think?” to “I am enough”
To claim the truths, about who we are, where we come from, what we believe, and the very imperfect nature of our lives, we have to be willing to give ourselves a break and appreciate the beauty of our cracks or imperfections.
For me, it’s so easy to get stuck in regret or shame or self-criticism when I make a mistake.
We must also remember that our worthiness, that core belief that we are enough, comes only when we live inside our story. We either own our stories (even the messy ones), or we stand outside of them.
It is our nature to be imperfect. To have uncategorized feelings and emotions.